not a girl, not yet a women

I hate that Britney Spears has rights to those words because at this moment I don't know how else to describe the confusion I feel. I feel like Britney? Pretty soon I'm going to marry my back up dancer, get preggers (twice) and look trashy all the time. Not yet though, I've got a couple years to pretend I'm a virgen and date Justin Timberlake and right now I'm just kinda annoyed. Annoyed because I am grounded.

Grounded, you say? Yes, I am for serious. No tv, movies, computer, phone, going out.. the works for the next couple of days. The only reason I'm able to write this is because I'm at work and you can't get me here can you now mom??

Anyway... how did I get myself into this quandry? Apparently a number of my off color comments about things were a bit disrepectful. I have to remember to mumble things better. When she hears, you get in trouble. Mumble quietly Alice!

It's frustrating because in two weeks I'm going to be back at school, living in an apartment, being responsible for myself and yet, right now I'm living the life of a 12 year old girl. This is a fun part of life sometimes because I can party like an adult while shrinking from some of the responsibility. But it's tough with my mother because while I want to have a more 50/50 relationship with her, she still LOVES putting me in my place. That place, not so fun.

Over last winter she was sick and having a tough time at home while I was kinda struggling at school and we grew really close. Closer then we had ever been, it was nice. We talked at least ever other day, I began to truly value her opinion and understand where she was coming from as a person. So when we argue or have an authoritarian parent/child relationship, it's really sad. I know what we are at our best, I miss it when we are at our worst.

Maybe when I'm back at school everything will be better. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I'm hoping that we can fix this before I go back that, I'm setting up my first apartment right now and would really like her to be a big part of that. But if that's not possible it's okay. For now, I'll just wait it out, grounded in my room and remember to mumble my smart (and I belive really funny) comments quieter.